Zero's Wall of Ramblings

My Hayfever's been so bad and tired me out so much it's made me ill. Ugh, and people wonder why I prefer the winter months.

I'm craving tomato soup but it's too much of a hassle to make right now. ~Clearing up all personal ramblings in my journal that are more mental health rants. I don't want people stumbling on this journal and worrying. If you're that curious you can always read the post history. :D~

Trying to write a CV for a potential job that could not only be really fun but help me get my foot through the door when it comes to a career in game design. But my ADHD and anxiety are making it difficult to make a start. There's so many factors that come with writing a CV and its rather overwhelming, I keep low-key freaking out when I'm trying to process all the tips and advice that's out there. I just needed to rant because I feel the job will come and go before I'm able to finish this darn thing. DX

I was feeling really bad a few days ago but I seem to have gotten a second wind and I'm feeling a little happier. Not sure how long the feeling will last so I'm gonna roll with it while I can! I'm not sure if I'll move onto 'PFNew' when it finally happens, so I think I'll try and finish my biggest goal on this site during that time, to have a living Shiny dex. I think I'll leave trying to get PF exclusives until last because there's always new ones. So for now it's Gens 1-8! Woo boy, hopefully I'll get there. I ended up clearing out my first journal entry to make room for my Pokédex tracker, this should make trading a lot easier. It's a bit sad that I started this journal with the intention of making at least one piece of art a month and it just derailed into my depressive rambling but being able to vent on a little website really does help, so until PF rules say otherwise, I'll probably continue to complain about how unfair I think my life is, when it's actually fine, haha!

I've decided to abandon rewriting my CV. I'd feel like too much of a jerk for taking weeks off of work because of a stupid cut that refuses to heal properly, so that'll likely mean more time off to then come back to work and tell my boss I'll only be around for two weeks and then I'm off to another job. That just feels super rude to me, for them to accommodate for such a silly injury only for me to turn around and say 'so long, farewell!' Realistically I was never going to get it done without help, which is a red flag when applying for a remote job that trusts me with finishing the work on my own. Maybe something else will pop up next year. I doubt jobs will show up during the quieter months but only time will tell.

I've been feeling weird lately. For a few days I've felt a little under the weather but not enough where I'd say I was outright ill. A sore throat one day, a runny nose the next and then nothing. But I'm not feeling as tired as a normally do and while that should be a good thing, it's also true when I actually need to sleep. I'm lying there at 2am not feeling tired at all, not even yawning. I do eventually doze off but it's not in the same way I'm used to, if that makes sense. Nothing has really disrupted my sleep lately so I'm not sure where this has come from. Maybe stress that I'm not aware of? I dunno but I'd like it to go away soon, I like my sleep. I am trying to motivate myself to start up my comic again, this time armed with the knowledge that it's not artist block stopping me but my ADHD having fleeting interest in the project, so hopefully with that knowledge I can keep myself focused and start producing pages again. It's been a yearly release so far, which is awful! So I'm gonna aim for a few months per page and slowly try to finish pages faster each time. Here's hoping it works because I really want to say I've made and finished a comic, I don't really have a lot of 'published' stuff that I can show people when I say I draw and write stuff for a hobby, haha.

It's a small thing but I feel so proud of myself when I'm able to temper chocolate correctly. It's a nice reminder that I do have some talents. XD

I need to start exercising more but my ADHD's like 'I don't wanna, let's play games instead.' XD I've had a rough time motivating myself to do much of anything at the moment. I'd love to actually have medication for my ADHD but that'll never happen because the waiting list here is so long. I'd forget I applied and never answer them if they tried calling me because of my phone anxiety, haha. In other news, I'm having a lot of fun with Animal Crossing. How cute would a Pokémon themed one be? Just being a Pokémon living on an island with other Pokémon, collecting berries and decorating your den, it'd be so cute! X3

Nothing beats homemade lasagne, I still haven't perfected it (I want to try making one with sauce from scratch someday) but it's still perfect comfort food and it makes me happy. :D

It's the big day tomorrow and I'm sick with a sore throat and runny nose (don't worry, it's not Covid). I rarely get sick, so it tends to hit me hard when I do catch something. D: The sore throat sucks but its the exhaustion that's really getting me down because I had a lot planned today, I wanted to get it all finished so I didn't need to stress myself (or the family!) out tomorrow. I'd wanted presents wrapped and to have made shortbread and chocolate trees (my own recipe, it's basically a hollow chocolate tree filled with sugary sweets, my family love them!) but I've done none of it because I'm too tired. I want to get it done but I know better than to push myself when I'm feeling this groggy, I only risk making myself worse and I'd actually like to be well enough to join family for Christmas dinner. Not to mention I'm working nearly every day this week and the next, so losing my voice when I'll be speaking to customers constantly is not good. I will head to bed soon but I'm going to at least get presents wrapped, I kinda need those for tomorrow. DX